The Beast

The most difficult opponent in life is ourselves.

All our character flaws, inadequacies and down right fuck ups, are here to make sure we don't win the fight. Imagine getting in the ring and stepping into your opponent's punches - not all the time, but enough to come close to losing the fight entirely.

It's literally a self-destructive tendency - yet so many of us do it. Even though we know better, we still make poor decisions. Even though we've seen the consequences so many times before, we still do it. Even though we knew there were close calls, we still do it. Even though we never want to do it again, we still do it.

Somewhere we've got to decide whether these are personality characteristics or a conscious willingness to hurt ourselves. Would life just be too boring w/out it? Is there some underlying fear of success? Is it beyond our control?

As we mature, we stop doing many of the things we used to do - the things that held us back. We learn things like patience - not blowing all your energy in the first minute of the first round. We learn about indirect strategies and how to prepare for a fight before the fight. We learn about ourselves through drills and when to take things serious.

But there some things, like junk food, we just like and do. We do it because on some level it feels good - even though we're getting fatter and will feel worse afterward. Drinking goes right in that basket too. So where is the discipline? All that time in the military and I still haven't developed the discipline to maintain myself for the things I love - including my career.

I'm only somewhere in the third round of the lifelong battle w/ myself. The bell doesn't ring and the points aren't awarded till I'm dead. I'll know I won or lost when my life flashes before me - if it does. But I have to win this round! I cannot step into one more punch and go down - not one more time.

Some people get knocked down early - and a lot. The more you get knocked down, the harder it is to get up and the less likely you are to win. Maybe being fortunate enough to know what I know and have what I have will be enough for me to take the fight seriously - because I know how to win. Now it's just a matter of executing the beast within.

CR Johnson's Freakin' Awesome Life

 

My head is in a million places right now. So here's a promise to a great story about my run-ins with the always entertaining CR Johnson - a person I know as three different people in one lifetime.

Once I get my plate clear and can clear my head - I'll put up my take on CR's freakin' awesome life.

j

The Empire State Building

Yeah - I did.

I had to go there and see it again - for the first time.

If you could only see the last time we were there. I mean literally - it was completely socked in w/ snow and fog. Well that certainly wasn't the case this time.

What a perfect way to say goodbye to the city. I just can't be back soon enough.

What A Trip

I decided to hit up NYC rather than go see Brent again today. My karma must be at an all-time high because today was downright incredible.

We (Lindsay, Hannah and I) started off the day w/ a casual and late pancake breakfast – thanks to Aunt Barb. We wanted to get out early to the city, but didn’t catch the train out of Jersey till about noon.

We arrived at Penn Station just before 2 p.m. Within the first five minutes I held the door for an unsuspecting New Yorker who thanked me with a smile – a constant trend all day.

Similar story at the deli w/ the guy who whipped up the best pastrami and rye sandwich I’ve had in about 10 years. He smiled at me and seemed to know I really appreciated a good sandwich.

Our main goal for today was to hit up the Museum of Natural History. Only $10 and 20 minutes worth a defensive and passive cab ride and we hit it up. Check out the picture gallery. We saw it all and Hannah couldn’t have been happier.

After that we hit up Central Park, where about 18 inches of snow fell just two days ago. There’s a lot to be said about seeing skiers in Downtown Manhattan. Shit was hilarious. Hannah got to run around and throw snow while Linds and I got to take it in.

I set the camera up on a snowman to get this photo. Thanks for the family portrait Frosty!!

After an extended stroll in pursuit of Dean and DeLuca Coffee, we jumped the D Line for the Bronx – Yankee Stadium.

Hannah was a trooper the entire way and charmed our way through the new Yankee Stadium Hard Rock Café and right into the new stadium – after hours. The restaurant manager opened up the doors and walked us in for some photos and a once-in-a-lifetime trip as the only three people in the entire stadium.

Hannah and Dad got the Yankee fan’s best trip – and for free.

We’re on the way back via NJ Transit to Denville. Hannah’s passed out on the seat w/ her new pink Yankees beanie as we approach 2 a.m.  The guy in the front of our train car is gettin’ crunk as he’s just cracked open the third beer of the ride.

What a trip!

 

You Can’t Always Get What You Want

 

You know the rest of how that song goes.

There are lots of people I know who carry around a lot of negative energy. Luckily I know tons of people and I can offset that lot of people w/ even more positive people. That positivity really comes through in the form of happiness.

I had an idea of what this trip would be and it has been anything but what I intended. Rather than the reunion I foresaw, I was hit with the most pleasantly unlikely group. Even more pleasantly and unlikely, but equally appreciated, was their exceptionally positive disposition. The group I reunited with was probably the most negative when I left. Now they seem to be the happiest.

Part of any reunion is we rightfully anticipate learning about our current selves – who we are now relative to who we aspired to be at a certain point in time. This is where people gauge how they're doing in life mostly based on others in a failed attempt to learn something about themselves. Most people want to feel like they’re succeeding and they want to feel it based on their former peers’ perceptions or ambitions.

I think we encountered some of that this time from the more unlikely group. I anticipated not encountering any of this and got on the road for New Jersey this evening very disappointed – even a bit offended and saddened. I certainly didn’t get what I wanted.

Just when it was time to leave, we get my last wish for this trip – a classic Noreaster. These burly winter storms track up the Eastern Seaboard, terrorizing everything in its path with snow, rain and ice. We love them!

So Lindsay and Hannah’s flights were canceled and Southwest gave us the option to reschedule for free. Now they’re headed back to Olympia Saturday and we’re sitting in Denville, NJ about to catch the best part of the storm. There’s something we want.

But the part I needed (and still need) is time to catch up with family and talk about family. This is the reunion for me. I’ll gauge where I’m at in life based on my aspirations the last time I was here in 2003. I’ll also meet people I both respect and love and establish new aspirations. I won’t, however, base my success on the successes or failures of anyone here. The people I’m seeing here radiate success, happiness and positivity – that’s why I love them and came to meet their welcoming arms.

174

That's just a bit too much. Well maybe it's a lot too much.

For a guy who was promising to be in shape for this season and not cut down my skiing experience, I'm not holding up my end of the bargain. I tipped 174 lbs. at Josh and Sara's house this past weekend. That's the largest/heaviest I've been in 5 years.

It's tough to find exercise time being on the road this much. I've done exactly one day of physical therapy and the rest has been ski hab. I'm sure that's not the best-case scenario.

Factor in my inactivity and the Dunkin' Donuts and Vermont/Northcountry maple syrup bender I've been on for the past week and things aren't looking hopeful. A philly cheesesteak last night, greasy pizza in Old Forge, Croghan Bologna w/ local cheddar cheese and venison blueberry sausage for breakfast - I just can't stop. I'm eating ten years work of being deprived of great food.

I need to do something soon. That means I wanna lose at least ten pounds in the next two weeks - most of it will come from eating/drinking more healthily.

Lindsay and Hannah leave tomorrow so I guess I can procrastinate at least one more day of East Coast food I love!!

More Crowd Control

In the ring, it's just you and the opponent. Just you and everyone you let inside your head.

Trouble is, you can't shut out everyone. You'd never learn anything and therefore never improve. This means you'd likely never win.

Conversely, if you let in all the noise, you'll be filled w/ bad ideas and cluttered.

The solution is balance. Achieving this balance comes by learning to filter out the crap and let the good stuff through so you can find a place to use it. We achieve this by learning which information sources we can trust.

If everyone in the crowd says, "watch out," what do you do? If they're booing and telling you you're through - that cut is tool large. Do you believe them? What do they know about boxing? Furthermore, what do they know about what the Champ can do or what he knows?

They don't. They - meaning most of the people. But there are a few folks who have a very strong sphere of influence. You come to trust these people and if they lose faith in you - the results are absolutely devastating.

Trick is - to know yourself enough to press on. No one else is in the ring w/ The Champ. He has to know himself enough to make decisions based on himself. That's how they win. Furthermore - no one else can know who The Champ is blocking and who he's listening to. It's part of the strategy.

This is also part of the fight from within. Sometimes the people we used to listen to aren't worth listening to anymore because we've achieved beyond the help their perception lent us. We must simply block them out and move on.

It's important, out of the ring, to remain respectful and thankful for their help along the way. No matter what - The Champ wouldn't be here or as successful and strong as he is. And for that, any of us ought to be eternally grateful.

What Did the Five Fingers Say to the Face?

And that's pretty much how I can sum up the past few days.

Let's cut down to the real idea here. Why would I care how anyone feels about me? Why should anyone care about how someone feels about them or views them?

The answer is - I don't have an answer. There's no real way to know whose ideas and perceptions you should value. All any of us can do is judge a person long enough to take your best-educated guess at whether they are the kind of person who is worthy of your respect. After that, we can start looking at whether they offer us something - even though we all know judging is wrong.

People influence me every day. I look at them for respectable characteristics until I find at least one - then I strive to emulate it in an effort to become a better person. This is a constant evolutionary process and one I learned just a few years ago. It's served me more than anything I've learned before as it is truly the key to more knowledge and growth.

After finding enough of these qualities in a person, I'm willing to forge more than a casual or acquainted relationship with them. Irony strikes me all the time as I find something or someone more respectable than I imagined I could. That makes me a better person - not better than anyone else, but better than I used to be.

Not everyone feels this way. And not everyone feels this way as long as I have. Many people share this theory with me, but stop at a certain point. A lot of them justify it as "growing up." I call it quitting. They call my lifestyle idealistic or immature.

Either way, being judged hurts. Like a clean slap to the face - especially one you didn't see coming.