The Beast

The most difficult opponent in life is ourselves.

All our character flaws, inadequacies and down right fuck ups, are here to make sure we don't win the fight. Imagine getting in the ring and stepping into your opponent's punches - not all the time, but enough to come close to losing the fight entirely.

It's literally a self-destructive tendency - yet so many of us do it. Even though we know better, we still make poor decisions. Even though we've seen the consequences so many times before, we still do it. Even though we knew there were close calls, we still do it. Even though we never want to do it again, we still do it.

Somewhere we've got to decide whether these are personality characteristics or a conscious willingness to hurt ourselves. Would life just be too boring w/out it? Is there some underlying fear of success? Is it beyond our control?

As we mature, we stop doing many of the things we used to do - the things that held us back. We learn things like patience - not blowing all your energy in the first minute of the first round. We learn about indirect strategies and how to prepare for a fight before the fight. We learn about ourselves through drills and when to take things serious.

But there some things, like junk food, we just like and do. We do it because on some level it feels good - even though we're getting fatter and will feel worse afterward. Drinking goes right in that basket too. So where is the discipline? All that time in the military and I still haven't developed the discipline to maintain myself for the things I love - including my career.

I'm only somewhere in the third round of the lifelong battle w/ myself. The bell doesn't ring and the points aren't awarded till I'm dead. I'll know I won or lost when my life flashes before me - if it does. But I have to win this round! I cannot step into one more punch and go down - not one more time.

Some people get knocked down early - and a lot. The more you get knocked down, the harder it is to get up and the less likely you are to win. Maybe being fortunate enough to know what I know and have what I have will be enough for me to take the fight seriously - because I know how to win. Now it's just a matter of executing the beast within.